he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
