If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize