U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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