Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
