i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I pour the whiskey from now on
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
