Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize