ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
