i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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