I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
