he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
