btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
