Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize