windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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