Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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