i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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