thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
