So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
