i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
