real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
