someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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