A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
