I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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