I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
