I skipped work to stalk him.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize