I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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