I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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