I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
