All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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