He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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