Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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