He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So squirting runs in the family.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
