And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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