Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
