uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
