Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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