I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
