just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
