youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
