it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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