im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
