He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I need a burrito and a hug.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
