he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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