There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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