Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
