So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
