You're my little dorito
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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