I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
