hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
