i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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