Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
