ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
