so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
