This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
