it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
