I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
