glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
