Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
