Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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