Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
