How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
